a message

i wish i could explain it.
understand it.
i am very aware of what i am doing.
i have simply decided to leave it behind.
so that everything becomes insignificant.
a wise choice it still is to me.

so yes.
when i do actually look back upon the past.
i would say,
thank you, i guess.
for still caring.
however as of this point,
i am unsure that i can be there for you anymore.
may it be for many a reasons.
that i can barely explain to no one.

the reasons i cannot explain.
it's the kind of feeling where u briefly catch hold of something.
and everything makes perfect sense.
but alas u lose it after a second.
and at the next you ask yourself,
"what was it again?"

and maybe after i write the words that you, or anyone, will probably never read,
i find peace with myself.
*smile*

you messaged me today.
and for a moment i find myself wondering.
what is it that you need from me now?
and what is it that i can give you?
but i still want to say,
thankyou.
i think.

maybe it is that i cannot bring myself to trust your good will anymore.
im sorry.