not a fan of the mind

because it all adds up and it would make perfect sense. because it is expected of you and how i always knew you were. because 1+1 really equals 2, no matter how hard you try. i do not believe that i could be wrong one bit, although i really wish i am. i really really wish i am. but i guess i know better than that.

so i was thinking the other day, that ill sit down and pray. then i began to question, what do i pray for? it would be silly to pray for something that already happened to not be true. so resigned, i prayed for the best way to let it pass. and until now it keeps messing with my mind, so what do we pray for next and what would really be the use. at times when i think of it, it leaves me with rage. maybe because there ain't really anything anyone could do. frustration may it be.

faith.
it's really hard to keep faith sometimes. especially if you are a person of evidence and proof. but i fall back on it everytime, although im not sure if it's out of true faith, habit or desperation. it saddens me that my mind fights with the beliefs of the heart, or at least what the heart wants dearly to believe.

we all know what they say about religion. that it's purpose is to give a purpose to life, to be used as a moral guide, to give hope to people who are weary, to create a community for people to fall back on, to make sense of our very existence simply because we as humans are born to question as such.

so how do we go from deciding where to stand between a 'realistic' point of view and keeping true faith that a maker exists. It's easier to choose one end of the rod isn't it.
yet it would seem silly to make religion your life when it's all based on hear-say and to question the existence of our maker is a sin by it's very self.

so what do we do from here? how do we explore that?

i guess it's because it gives us hope.
and i need alot of that right now. so i could jolly well go on feeling silly while praying for our maker to grant my prayers.